Fourth Reflections

As Independence Day approaches with all its watermelon-ing and rocketeering my mind is pulled away from thoughts of patriotism to what the fourth was like for me a year ago. It was, in my estimation, a very memorable holiday weekend for me. Not because of anything red white and blue, but more due to the fact that, for three days, I thought I was going to die (jeepers I'm so dramatic).

Dan had left the Friday before the Fourth (which was on a Monday) to help his folks move out in Denver. I was about 13 weeks pregnant with Sammy and had Eli in tow. I decided Saturday morning to drive up to SLC and meet my folks at the Farmers Market. My morning sickness had seemed to be getting a little better and I thought I could handle a little outside, normal people activities. As you may recall...I had not been having a very glamourous pregnancy up to this point but I thought things had been getting better.

After about 10 minutes navigating the market with my folks in almost 100 degree weather I knew I was in trouble. I could barely walk and was feeling so so tired and sick. My mom decided I needed to get home and we started to the car. Right outside Pioneer Park, with Saturday morning hipsters enjoying their freshly purchased lettuce and what-nots, I started puking. I still can't look those bushes in the face when I see them. It was...not good.

My mom loaded Eli up in my car and drove me up to my parents house in Bountiful. I staggered into their house, collapsed on the couch, and didn't move for three hours...loosing any remaining nutrients I had in my system about every 30 minutes. I was worried for Baby...I was worried for me...I was worried for my parents house...

I tried to stand up once and blacked out. My dad decided I needed some professional help. Dan and I are big Instacare people so we found one in Bountiful and my pops drove me down. The doctors were very friendly...but not super helpful. I told them I hadn't been able to keep anything down in hours and that I was afraid I'd gotten heat stroke. In a grand act of demonstrative cooperation my body decided to puke 2 or 3 more times while I was at the clinic. I did make them hook me up to a little sonogram machine so I could hear Baby Boy's heart beat. It sounded good...so I felt a little better. They didn't want to give me an IV...for whatever reason..and just gave me a shot of Zofran and sent me home.

The next day or so I couldn't get off the couch. I was so sick I felt like I would barter anything to get the nausea away. I talked to my doctor brother and he projected that the heat had exacerbated my morning sickness and things would hopefully get better.

By the actual holiday I was feeling a little more person-like and was able to enjoy some festivities with my fam. Eli didn't seem phased by Mom's sickness. He just wanted to see the fireworks...that made me happy.

SO....why am I regaling you all with tales of puke and wimpiness? Because. I will tell you what. Now that a year has passed and Sammy is here and that whole pregnancy thing is history I don't even think about all it took to get him here. Even now as I watch him roll around on the carpet and giggle at his toys the trials seem like a far off memory. Five months of intense morning sickness and the inevitable c-section seem like dots on a road. I would do it again in a heartbeat to get my little boy to us.

Mostly I'm writing that to remind myself next time I get pregnant that there is a purpose to the suffering.  My body hates being pregnant and likes to remind me of that pretty much every day of the pregnancy. But at the end it is so worth it. I don't look forward to the time when I have to endure all that again...but I need to remind myself that it will be ok, and somehow it will work out.

A Thrifty Addiction

(For some reason this posted before I could write anything...sorry I screwed up your RSS feed Jimmy.)

I have a wee bit of a problem. Not a glamourous problem like drugs or "Spice" as the kids call it these days...but a thrifty problem. I can't stay out of DI or off KSL...I love buying stuff on classifieds and Craigslist...It's an odd sort of thrill...like a treasure hunt or something like that. I'm not really a 'bargain hunter' or a couponer (at all) but before Dan and I buy anything new I always check second hand first (food excepted...).

Since we've bought a new house things have only gotten worse (or better??). Now I have an entire home to decorate and what's all the rage right now in decoration? THRIFTY VINTAGE CRAP! I'm in hog heaven.

I thought I'd share pics of a few of my most recent second hand finds. Before you call up Hoarders though and nominate me...just remember I only buy what I know I have a spot for...anything else goes back on KSL or gifted out to unsuspecting friends and neighbors.

 This chair isn't from a thrift store...my folks gave it to me...but it's still old and awesome. I recovered the seat and stuck it in our bedroom. I'm playing around with it in a bunch of different locations in our house. 

 Favorite chair ever. I bought this off a friend who was selling it on a dangerous little Facebook group

 I'm a part of. 

 This little treasure made my heart so happy. I found it at DI for $7. It's a 1960s era Viewlex 35mm movie projector with the carrying case. So so cool. My dad told me he thinks he has some old 35mm reel of home movies from when he was a kid. As soon as I get the bulb fixed I want to have a movie night. 

 Ok this guy. I saw it at DI and thought it was a little end table. Looked cute and I needed one so I decided to buy it. When I was trying to open the drawer I noticed it didn't open out but rather the whole top opened up to reveal...??? A 1973 Kenmore electric sewing machine! I almost peed a little (ew). The machine works great and I am so exited to have this little piece of sewing history. And the best part? I paid $25 for it! 

 A reeeeaaaallly bad shot of the sewing machine folded away under the table...I was being lazy and didn't want to take all the pics off the top to open it up. 

I bought Eli a little chalk board at DI. This may be one of the few things I really don't have a place for but he's wanted one for so long and it was only $5 and and and....(so...maybe I do have a problem).

Lastly....this was not a thrift find but an incredible new addition to our little art collection. My brother Greg has established himself as an incredibly talented artist in recent years and I have about 4 of his paintings in our home. This morning I went and visited his studio and saw this little gem. It's an homage to Edward Hopper...who may just be my very favorite 20th century American artist...maybe. Greg saw me eying and said I could take it home. I am so excited for this. It really is an amazing piece of art. It looks so much like a Hopper but with just enough of Greg's style in it to make it unique and wonderful. 

Melancholy and the Infinite Playlist

10 Points to Griffindor if you get the reference in that title...10 more points for enduring my pretension!

I've been dabbling in the running arts lately. I took a bit of a hiatus (how old is Eli? Ok, a 2.5 year hiatus) but I've been getting back into the swing of things and it is wonderful. Our neighborhood has a few fantastic trails and running paths I've been exploring and, although the mosquitos are thick in the evenings, the sunsets are worth the blood loss. 

When I run I have to have music. It sort of motivates me and I can get lost in the songs and forget about the burning in my legs and the general pain of the experience. I thought I'd share my must-have playlist and ask if anyone has a favorite running song or songs they could recommend...I like them bouncy.

Here's what's on my phone's music cache right now:

I Feel Better-Hot Chip

Heartbeats-The Knife

Sail-AWOL Nation (I know...I know)

Ring of Fire-Jonny Cash

Star of Wonder/None Shall Pass (Its a Tor/Sufjan Stevens mash up and if you haven't heard it do it NOW) language NSFW

Wondersmith-Astronautalis

Welcome Home-Coheed and Cambria

All Along the Watchtower-Jimi Hendrix

That's it....any thing I must add???

Poetry in Motion

So I started a little creative writing club with some friends for the summer. We share stories and narratives we're working on and send critiques back and forth. Last week I wrote a poem to submit and decided I liked it enough to share it here on my blog. So...here it is.

**********
Smoke Rises

I sit low, on the ground
I hear anger rises, like smoke
so I stay down low
My mind breaks for the 5th time
in at least as many hours

I remember that first second
a small head on my wet chest
lifted up, gazing around
I loved you intensely,
saw fire in your tiny eyes

first jolting steps propelled you up
no longer needing a mother’s hand
heading towards perpetual motion
never stopped since
little legs, small feet
so much movement for such a quaint frame

independent, head up and eyes flared
small hands creating so much chaos
my feet take a million steps before 9
and still you run and run and run
I sit in tears and you pat my head

I dreamed you here
wanted you so bad
I stand in constant amazement at your presence
but here I sit, low and exhausted
you sleep above me
I can almost hear the rhythm of your lungs

The beast of rage that so often kicks against its cage
has once again been silenced and shut up
everyday is a fight, but like a rough stone in water
I feel worn down yet somehow smoother

I get lost in the routine, but today, I stopped
I looked at your curls
at your fire-eyes and at your smile
and I felt, so authentically,
the reality of your existence in mine

So I take my break and recharge my brain
thank heavens for bedtime, time out, and
mostly
thanks heavens for my little boy

A Little Pay-out

Eli has been extremely challenging lately. He just finds my buttons and then pushes them...all day long. He beat on the dog, gets into the fridge, climbs on top of everything, runs out the front door anytime I turn my back, dumps cereal talks back poops on the floor draws on the walls and it goes on and on. I love that little squirt...but there are days I just fall against his door at night after tucking him in so exhausted and defeated I'm not sure I have the energy to crawl into bed. 

On the other hand...Eli is also the sweetest little creature on the face of the planet. He LOVES to give hugs, give kisses, hold hands and sit on laps. He is quick with a smile and genuinely feels sorry for people when they get hurt. I am in constant awe of the unconditional love he radiates every seconds of every day. 

So, with all that said, we had a little moment the other day that I thought I'd share. I share it not for any sort of self-aggrandizing gratification but rather to let you all share a moment that I will not soon shelf away. 

The kids and I were bouncing along the road running errands in the car. Eli and I usually chat while we drive but I noticed he had been quiet for a minute or so. Then I heard:

"Mama?"

"Yes Honey?"

"Mama...ummm. Best mama....whole world."

I cried...a bit. 

I don't know where he got that...and I haven't heard it since...but dang it made my day. I don't by any means agree with his sentiment...but I do agree that I may just be the best mama in the world for my little guys. That's the right of most moms...we know our kids better than anyone else and as such can determine their needs and wants quicker than any other person on the planet. 

For what it's worth...I'll take it.