I realize I've been blogging WAY too much lately but I just have to get a few thoughts out here. I just read a story of a woman who lost a baby during pregnancy. I read these stories from time to time but they never really hit me as hard as I feel tonight. I am so very very grateful for my boys. I am so very unworthy to have these sweet little lives surrounding me. I don't know why I've been so lucky to have them in my life. I really don't. But here they are and I am in constant awe of their existence.
We took Eli to Thanksgiving Point tonight and as I watched him run around and play my heart just wanted to jump out of my chest. He is my life. Him, and Dan, and Sammy...I would not survive long with out these people around. Sammy is the sweetest little soul. He cuddles and smiles and warms me up by just being in the same room with me.
I need to realize how very very fortunate I am. Sometimes I get in a rut of silly self pity but I need to be much more grateful than I am. I've been thinking so much lately about my relationship with God and Jesus Christ. I feel like spirituality is sort of like a light bulb...it can fade occasionally but we just need to replace the dimness of doubt with the brightness of faith. I sometimes loose sight of the most important things in my life...but in reality all I want to be right now is a mom. All I want to do is hold my little boys close and thank Heavenly Father for the chance I have to be a part of their lives.
Occasionally I sneak into one of their rooms when they go to bed and sit and watch them sleep (they may someday read this and think I'm creepy). I like to whisper things to them I didn't find the time to say during the day. I hope that sometime my words will find their way to their heart..like a sort of osmosis of words.
Life is beautiful. There is so much good in the world. I just need to remind myself of that from time to time. My husband, my children, my faith and my family...these are the most important assets I will ever posses.
Sorry for the dumpage of emotions...I just feel so overwhelmed with gratitude right now.