***I wrote this last night but Blogger was being a pill and wouldn't let me post it.
Ok...I know two posts in two days is a bit excessive. But I would be remiss if I didn't eulogize the events that transpired today. In retrospect they are almost too horrifyingly comical to be real. But believe you me...they were.
Enter Eli...stage right. He woke up at a nice 8:30 thank you son. That was about the only thing positive he did for the day. First item of business: orange juice all over the carpet. That wasn't so bad. I cleaned it up and fixed us some breakfast. Breakfast ended up all over the floor. Cue the dog. That wasn't so bad.
As I was cleaning up from breakfast somehow I managed to whack my hand against the bookshelf in our kitchen. A few muffled profanities later led to the discovery of a massive bruise and some nasty swelling just below my thumb on my left hand. Lovely. Ice.
After nursing the hand a little energy kicked in and I decided to deep clean my kitchen. 2 hours later and things were shiny. Unfortunately all my cleaning brought back the nausea that had subsided during the morning. I had a really good day yesterday and I over did it. After two or three offerings to my favorite porcelain god I put Eli down for a nap and laid down myself. 30 minutes later he was up. Bad nap day. Headache commenced. Went to get Eli out of his crib only to find a massive poopy had erupted.
At this point I called my dear friend Katie. Katie is wonderful. She came over and helped me. No. She came over and saved me. She made me lunch, made Eli lunch, took Eli out for a walk while I napped, and helped me clean my living room...which was buried in toys and wrappers and what-not. Dinner was spaghetti and meat balls, but spurred the second bath of the day after Eli painted himself in sauce.
Ten minutes later I noticed an odd smell...a bad smell...coming out and around my son. Then I noticed poop...massive amounts of poop...coming out of his diaper. So much poop. On the carpet, on the chair he was sitting on, on him. I grabbed him, Katie grabbed stuff to clean the carpet, I dry heaved a few times, put Eli in his 3rd bath of the day, and we started the reparations.
Ten minutes after poop-agedon Dan came home. I was almost crying, Eli was sobbing, and Katie was still cleaning the carpet. Dan got Eli's pjs on and took him with him to run Katie home. I sat down for the first time in a few hours and thought about making a run for the hills. But I was too tired. So I decided to bore you all with this epic post.
That was my day. Here's to better days tomorrow.