Take Two

I've been pondering a bit lately on the differences between my pregnancy with Eli and my current "with child" situation. Either I've forgotten a lot of the trials and travails with my first go-around or this time is a bit more challenging. With Eli I was so drunk on the excitement of finally becoming a mom that I think I overlooked a lot of the pains and whatnot of being preggers. This time I am, of course, barely able to contain my anticipation at meeting our new little buddy but I'm also more aware of the nastiness that follows me around constantly.

With Eli I followed everything to the book; no caffeine, lots of sleep and exercise, never lifted more than the weight of a few clothes or dishes and all that. This time I've had a diet coke or two once a week at least, have been sleeping terribly for about a month now, only exercise when it involves chasing a two year old around the house, and I lift at least 32 pounds a number of times a day. So much for caution and being in a "delicate state". It's not possible with another kid to run after.

Also, this time around I'm visiting the midwives at my clinic instead of the doctors. So far I like it. Haven't actually given birth so we'll see what happens different with this one but I like being able to talk to a woman about my bodily discomforts. None so far have given me a lecture about wanting an epidural either so it appears my previously held notions about midwives are thusly false.

Most of all I've noticed the pain this time around much more. About a month ago my hips started aching, and now they hurt 24/7. When I walk I look like a cowboy, all bow-legged and hobbly. Getting out of bed in the morning is a chore, not because of fatigue (although that is a factor) but because my body takes about five minutes to limber up enough to let me take my first step of the day.

In the end though, I am enjoying life. Every time I feel bb moves, or kick, or pummel my ribs, I just think about how much I want to meet him and want Eli to meet him. I told Dan that while I am excited to see our little son, what I am mostly looking forward to is seeing Eli meet his brother for the first time.

The miracle of life is just that...truly a miracle...because I'll tell you what, for anything else I would have hit the escape button on a long time a go.

A Hot Dog With a Side of Guilt

It's been a fun few days. By fun I mean horrifying. Traumatizing. A sort of "standing naked on the top of the Chrysler Building with a machine gun" few days. Over dramatic? I think...so.

Eli's been waging a war on sleepy time. It's been...unpleasant. Finally today I had to do something so I switched out the locks on his bedroom and locked his door from the outside. It was brutal. 2 hours of struggle...but finally success and he fell asleep for about an hour.

After he fell asleep I just sat on the couch and bawled. It dawned on me that I was so upset because I felt this crushing amount of guilt for having to lock my child in his room to get him to sleep. (It could have also been related to intense sleep deprivation and pregnancy). As I reflect on my reaction, I realize that as a mom I am a constant ball of parent-related guilt.

Even when I try to chill out I still think about how I'm screwing up my poor child's life. Is he watching too much tv? Is he eating too much sugar? Do we do enough educational activities together? When was the last time I clipped his nails? Dusted his crib? Checked the air filter on the furnace to make sure he's not breathing in those little cartoon character dust mites?

I think I'm a pretty average person. I try not to jump on crazy bandwagons or do any nutso "fad parenting" methods. But even with how normal I strive to be somehow mothering guilt occasionally tries to eat me alive. I guess it's a standard part of having kids. I guess this awful feeling that I'm somehow slowly ruining my son's life will never end. I guess that the fact that I dedicate my love and heart to two feet of absolute wonderful means that I've opened myself up to a whole host of emotional trauma. Oh well. In the end I love being a mom even more than I loved working at that hot dog stand. I never worked at a hot dog stand. But I couldn't think of anything that even comes close to comparison with motherhood.

Dog Etiquette

We have a dog, for the lucky two of you who may not know. Come this March Indi will have survived 4 years in our house (by the grace of something). Dan and I have worked harder with this dog to teach her some sort of sanity than I have worked on almost any other ongoing project in my life. She's made leaps and bounds from where she once was, she's still a lunatic, but we kinda love her. Her tenure in our house has come into questions a few times but...well...we never could find a new home for her for I think she's here to stay...for now (I like to keep my options open).

With all that said, I've learned a thing or two over the years about how other people react to dogs. Nowhere is this more apparent than in public places where kids are around. A few weeks ago I had Indi with me at the Farmer's Market in Provo and a little boy (about 4?) came running up to her and started pulling on her ears and trying to give her a hug. Indi was on a leash sitting right next to me. After a sec she snapped menacingly at the boy. No contact was made but it scared me to death. Apart from the trauma of having her bite an unknown kid, I wouldn't want to face the probable legal issues of such an occurrence.

Since then I have been very wary to take Indi out in public. A few days ago I decided this poor dog had to get out of the house so we've been walking to the park. I ALWAYS keep her on her leash at the park right by my side. I never leave her unattended and make sure I know what's happening with her at all times.

Today I was sitting on a bench while Eli played and Indi was laying right by my feet. A little girl came running up to us and started petting Indi and grabbing at her fur. I asked the little girl to please not touch my dog but she kept petting her. Indi is generally pretty good with kids and wasn't doing much but I didn't want to take any chances. I stood up and walked over to another bench. The little girl followed and would not leave us alone. I finally spotted her mother sitting on the grass watching all this happen. As I tried to fend off the kid I just got fed up and grabbed Eli and we headed home.

That got me to thinking. Dog owners have a responsibility to keep their dogs under control in public no doubt. BUT. The public has a keen responsibility to know how to interact with dogs they don't know. And parents most definitely have a responsibility to teach their kids how to treat a strange dog. So-here's my list of dog etiquette for parents with kids.

• Teach your kids to NEVER approach a leashed or unleashed dog unless they directly ask the dog owner for permission. NEVER.
• Have the child extend his or her hand to let the dog smell it. This is like a hand shake for dogs.
• Teach your kids the appropriate ways to handle a dog ...ie don't let them pull fur, tails, or ears, even if the dog owner says the dog is ok with it. It leads to bad habits and they may find a dog sometime that isn't as amiable.
• If a dog owner asks your child at any time to stop petting the dog or move away make sure they know to listen and act.
• Above all teach your kids to respect dogs and treat them with care and caution.

If a dog bites a kid in public is is, of course, the dog owner's responsibility, but having a child who is well trained around dogs makes things easier for everyone.

Milk of Human Smugness

Dear Midwife,

I understand you have to talk to many women every day about all sorts of things, and that your answers have become a bit rote. When I told you yesterday that I had a really hard time nursing my son and would like some good suggestions on how to make things easier for this next one, I didn't really need to ten minute thesis on how superior breast milk is to formula. I didn't need to hear for the umteenth time how many nan-nuero-super connectors breast milk has in it and how if a baby is able to get just a taste of that milky goodness he or she is destined for life long greatness.

I've already heard it all from the internet, friends, family, strangers, and my own inner guilt voice. I know I should have tried harder, as you implied, to nurse my son more diligently. I should have forced him to nurse even when he was screaming because he was hungry and getting nothing from my breastables. I should have forced myself to stay up longer at night to make sure I pumped every drip of milk out of my sleep deprived body I could find. I should never have started him on formula, never given him a bottle, and definitely never given up on nursing even when we were both so exhausted we spent every non-nursing minute crying.

Here's the real scoop. If a woman can't/isn't nursing her child chances are she's tried everything in her power to make an attempt first. I've heard of very few women who choose voluntarily to not breastfeed. For them I'm sure it was a very personal decision also and I'm sure their babies are fine. For me I was physically unable to produce enough nourishment for my child. With baby #2 I want to give it the ol' college try for sure but what I most definitely do not need are any more lectures on how superior breast milk is. I get it. We would never tell a mother with a kid in in a wheel chair, "Oh, walking is so much better than sitting around all day. You really should let your son get up and move around". So why all the guilt about nursing?

That is my rant.

Signed-

To Each His Own

Groceries Shmoceries

Eli falls out of the grocery cart: lecture from a Macy's bagger on using the straps (but sir all of the straps in pretty much all of the carts are broken).

I get in the express lane with about 100 things in my cart on accident: lecture from an old man on proper express lane etiquette (but sir my son was screaming and I didn't notice what lane I got in...see above on cart falling out of.)

I set Eli down for a sec to load some of the groceries on the belt and he takes off running: nasty glares from all other mothers in the store who are probably thinking I am incompetent and crazy as I go tearing through the store yelling in my best Walmart voice.

I told Dan I will not be taking Eli to the grocery store again unless I can find a pet carrier for him...you know...like the ones the rich ladies use to haul their chihuahuas through the airport in?

Motherhood

Here's a link to a great video clip from Elder Holland from our church. I watch it whenever I'm feeling like a failure and it always makes feel so much better. I am so grateful for the chance I have to be a mom. My little guy is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me, save meeting his father. I can't wait to meet our new addidition in a few months and start another relationship with such a special little soul.

My Princess List

I just realized that I'm a bit spoiled. I have an amazing husband, a great kid, a...dog...and life is very good. Sitting here on the couch while Eli naps, sipping an ice water and reading an obligatory NY Times article on the budget crisis, it suddenly hit me just how lucky I really am. And with all the good fortune, I starting thinking about the things I have in my life that would be very hard to give up. I'm not talking about family or religion or anything that really matters. I mean the niceties I am blessed with that I don't think I would ever want to part with. Here's a list.

-indoor A/C.
-a fabulously jungle-like back yard
-2 cars
-3 bedrooms
-our king size bed (I would give up my washer and dryer before my bed)
-car A/C (of which one of our cars is lacking at the moment...making it so much more of a priority)
-a pool pass
-a Costco membership
-a wheat grinder
-2 bathrooms
-close proximity to an Ikea, a Costco, a Target, and a TJ Maxx

That's about it. These are all things I could live without if forced to do so...but I really like my upper lower middle class American lifestyle. If we ever have to pull a handcart back to Missouri I'm going to have to get a double wide...man that bed is going to be a beast to get through the mountains.