Happy Valentimmmes Day!

Dan and I celebrated our 5th anniversary last month. It's crazy to think that only 5 years ago we took each other's hands, I took his name, and we got ourselves hitched. Since that gloriously freezing day we've had quite the ride. 2 babies, loads of trips, a few heartaches and a lot of fun. So for this Valentines Day I'd like to commemorate my valentine. He is my one and only and the most amazing husband a girl could ever want. 

Dan and I met at a party in April of 2007. I went on a whim with a guy I really didn't want to go out with. I decided to make the most of it and struck up conversation with a cute skater-looking boy. He was funny, and we ended up swapping YouTube videos on his laptop for an hour or so. He got my number from the guy I was with (what a stud) and called me up a few days later. We got together for Mexican food and talked for 5 hours that first outing. I knew something good was going to come of it. 

A week after we met we both headed off to Europe. I was going to live in Spain for 2 months on a BYU study abroad. Dan was going to tour around with a friend. We emailed back and forth while we were both having our European experience. I printed off all those emails after we'd been married and still have them. 

When I got home in July of 2007 we met up right away. Our first kiss happend 3 days after I'd been back in town and after that we were together 24/7. I always think back on that summer with such fond memories. It was a good one. We went on so many adventures together; camping, hiking, Sliders marathons, late-night 7/11 runs. It was wonderful.

Once Fall hit we both started feeling a little more serious about things. We didn't really know what to think other than we loved each other and wanted to be together all the time. In October of 2007 I was at a sort of crossroads; I was either going to move to Colorado to live with my brother's family while he was in Iraq or Dan and I were going to get married. When I put it to Dan in those terms he suggested I should move to Colorado and we could see how things went while I was gone. Having tried a few long-distance relationships before I told him if I left we were most likely not going to stay together. A few days later, after a long discussion, we both felt like marriage was what we wanted.

 It was an amazing and stressful time. I wanted to get hitched before my brother left for the Middle East at the beginning of January. We both felt like we didn't want to wait until the next summer so we set a date that was less than 2 months away. Our families were thrilled...if not a little stunned. A few days after we had set a date Dan and I were walking to his car to go out to lunch. He stopped me, pulled a box out of his pocket, and officially proposed. I let him pick out the ring and I was so happy when he put it on my finger. Things were official!

We were married for time and all eternity on December 20th, 2007. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Dan looked so handsome; he shaved for the wedding and it was the first time I'd seen him all smooth! The day we got married it snowed and snowed and snowed. It was epic. Our reception was still a blast and we saw so many friends. 

I've always been amazed that we knew each other for such a relatively short time before we tied the knot. I can honestly say I've never in my life met another person with whom I am so compatible. I remember telling someone after we got married that I knew Dan was The One because I always felt so comfortable around him. Our personalities have always just clicked. 

It's been 5 years now since that cold December day. Each day I learn new things about my husband that impress me. He is, without a doubt, the best father I have ever met. He is patient, kind, understanding, and above all else, loving and tender. 

Dan has been present and very involved in both the births of our sons. With Eli he was able to see him come into the world and saw him take his first little breath. When we went through all the drama with Sammy and had to have a c-section Dan was there with the doctors checking him out and making sure he was ok. He gets up in the night when someone is crying. He plays on the floor with the boys for hours. He loves them and they worship him

I can't imagine what my life would be like without Dan. A few months ago we took a long road trip to see his family. On the way home we had a few hours where Sammy was sleeping and Eli was watching a movie and there was peace in the car. I was amazed that even after 5 years Dan and I spent that time making each other laugh so hard we were crying. 

To end my long, sappy ramblings I'd just like to say this; marriage is hard, and can be a struggle sometimes. Trying to mesh 2 people's personalities, interests, goals, and priorities takes time and patience. I am so eternally grateful that I hitched my wagon to a man who is willing to work on things together. There are hardly any problems we've encountered that we haven't been able to overcome with discussion, laughter, and love. 

I love you my valentine! Here's to many many more. 

Sleepy Time

I often have new moms ask what sort of advice an old sage like me (three years at this gig and going strong!) would have to give. I usually tell them the best piece of advice someone once gave me "You are your child's mother. You will know what is best even when everyone else has a thousands things to say about what you are doing".  If they don't like that, I launch into a 20 minute lecture on the importance of sleep and scheduling for moms and kids.

I am a BIG believer in sleep. I like it a lot. I like sleep for me, I like it for my kids, I just like it. When I don't get sleep things don't go right in my life. I'm cranky, I'm slow, I make stupid mistakes. When my kids don't get enough sleep they tend to take after their mom. In the Garfield house we've sort of established a system that sleep (for the kids at least) is the most important part of our day.

We have them on a very tight schedule. Every night both boys are in bed by 7:30. Every day they are both down for naps at generally the same time. We have a bedtime and nap-time routine that work pretty well for us. There haven't been many nights where we have had to go back in and put someone to bed again.

There is a lot of controversy over "crying it out". I think its a little silly, to be honest. We love our kids, we want what's best for them, and part of that involves a good night sleep for everyone. Around 4-6 months with both our boys we've let them cry a little at night to get back to sleep. Anything longer than 20 minutes or so and we go in check up. It just seems practical to me. Both our boys have slept 12 hours + a night by about 8 months. I'm not saying we're amazing parents, or that we're better than people who don't let their kids cry a little at night. We've just found a system that works really well for our bunch. Also, our kids are NOT allowed in bed with Mom and Dad passed about 4 months. This works very well for us as well. Eli has never asked to sleep in our bed and I don't think he will ever even consider it an option.

With that said...hearing your kids cry NEVER gets easy. NEVER ever. Right now I'm dealing with an Eli who won't take a nap. He is exhausted. He's so tired that he WON'T go to sleep. He needs sleep so so bad, but he just won't go down. Even now, after 3 years of doing this, I'm on the couch silently weeping while my son screams for me upstairs. If I go in there it only lets him know that crying gets a visit from Mom. That just prolongs the nap even more. So I have to sit here and listen to Clair de Lune for the 4th time through and hope that he doesn't remember this when he gets big and resents me (he'll have plenty of other things for that list I'm sure...).

Dogs Dogs Dogs

Over the years I have made an attempt to justify, rationalize, quantify or just simplify my love for dogs. I'm not sure I even get it. My relationship with my furry friends has been strained, stressful, exhaustive and intense. I've also experienced some of the deepest friendships I've ever had with my pups over the years. What follows is a brief and over-sentimental journey of my life as it has related to dogs. 

 My first dog was Buddy. He was an ugly and rat-like little terrier mix who I loved with all my heart. Buddy hated all things but me. My sister wrote a lovely eulogy for him and I'll just link up to it here. Buddy found me when I was 4 years old and passed away when I was 16. Needless to say his death was tough and his legacy; endless. 

I went many years as a single lady with no dog. 2 months after Dan and I were married we went online and picked out a pup together from a local rescue. Her name was Indi, and she became my best friend. Indi and I woke up every morning together and went running. She sat by my side when I was so sick with my first pregnancy and protected me when I was home alone. She was crazy but I loved her. Then we had Eli....and her neurosis became a little more pronounced. We worked and worked with her agression, anxiety, and territorial behavior. Then we had Sammy....two weeks later she bit Eli. It was awful but we had to let her go. Not just let her go but have her put down. I cried...a lot. I still think about my Indi-girl and how I wished we'd been able to help her out more. 

Next up was Scout. I got Scout 2 weeks after we bought our new house this last May. She was a tiny ten week old puppy and we had so much fun with her. But then she grew...and grew...and grew...and as she grew her energy level seems to double and triple. Pretty soon we had this horse lumbering around our house, chasing the kids, eating the chickens, and adding to the already chaotic atmosphere around here. I thought long and hard about it and finally decided we needed to find our gentle giant a new home. She's happier now and so are we. I loved her but just didn't have the energy to keep up.

And now here I sit with no dog. Our house has seemed so much more peaceful in the last few weeks...but I just have that old feeling like something is missing. I even made Dan take us all up to the humane society tonight to look at dogs but (sensibly) talked myself out of it. What I think it comes down to is I have this overwhelming desire for our kids to grow up with a dog. Also, Dan is gone a lot at night and I really love having the security and companionship of a dog around. 

So we'll keep looking for a dog. Not for many dogs, and not a crazy dog, but just a happy family dog. We keep striking out but I see so many other families with dogs I know it's possible, right? Dan thinks I'm crazy...most people think I'm crazy HECK I think I'm crazy but I do think we'll get another dog at some point and hopefully, just hopefully, it will be our forever family pup. 

A Mama At A Loss

I love being a mom. I don't mean to overstate things but I really do. There are, of course, challenges that come with motherhood. Some of these challenges are par for the course. Others require more thought and consideration. I'm dealing with one of those special challenges right now and would love some help or insight.

Eli is a good kid. And I mean that from everywhere in my heart. He is kind, soft, and loving. He plays well with others and is imaginative and thoughtful. He loves everyone around him and wants to be a part of everyone's lives he meets.

We are, however, dealing with some pretty tough problems with him right now and I don't know what to do. For most of his older life I've just classified these issues as standard toddler/little kid behavior. Things seem to be getting worse though and I'm getting completely overwhelmed with life. It could just be that we're first time parents and this is how all little 3 year old boys are...I just don't know.

Eli can get crazy...I mean like hyper to a point where we lose him. It used to happend infrequently but lately its been happening all the time...like pretty much its all we get from him. He can be very task-oriented and does well if I give him a game to play or a project to work on. But as soon as he's not being completely entertained by me or a toy he comes unhinged. He yells, runs around, hits things, womps on Sammy, tackles the dog, throws things at me and creates general mayhem. When I give him 100% of my attention he's ok...if I divert for even a second I lose him.

Dan and I have read so many articles and talked for hours on how to best parent our little ball of love and energy. I am NOT a believer in holistic, 'natural', or pseudoscientific "cures" for hyper kids (no "essential oils" thank you) but I do think there is something more I can be doing to help Eli be happy and help our house not be a den of chaos 24/7.

We try very very hard to praise him endlessly for the good things he does and quickly and quietly discipline him for the negative...that's easy to implement in practice but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. I try to be patient but there is only so many times I can tell him to do something (like sit down at the dinner table, not yell at me, get out of the fridge, etc.) before I lose my patience. Today after coming home from a very long day at church (he flunked out of Sunbeams 3 times) I walked in the door to get lunch ready and he walked up to me and whipped my face with the metal end of the dog leash.  I'll be honest I did not get down and explain to him quietly why we don't hit mom with dog leashes, and put him calmly in time out. Nope...I spanked his bottom and hauled him off to his room. Not a great thing to do indeed but I do have a boiling point.

I love my little boy intensely. More than I can ever explain. He and Sammy fill our home with so much love and excitement. I want him to be happy more than anything else in the world but I am STRUGGLING learning how to communicate effectively with him. Dan starts school up tomorrow which means I will be alone with the kids a lot more in the next few months. I have been praying so hard for answers on how to be the best parent for my little boys. I just feel at such a loss these days.

Merry Christmas to All

This has been a crazy holiday season. Its a different experience, navigating Christmas with two small and very active children. I went back and forth from packing way to much in to being antsy that we weren't doing enough. Today was a great day for the kids...and an absolutely exhausting day for dan and me. I don't know what the secret is to pulling off a successful holiday season with kids in tow and not being absolutely dead at the end of it. Honestly though, the good moments have far outweighed the bad. Here are a few highlights from our past month of holiday events.

*Visiting Santa at Festival of Trees. Dan would interject that this was NOT a highlight of our year. We waited in line for 45 minutes with post-bedtime children for a 20 second visit with a rather grumpy Santa and in the end Sammy freaked out and Eli didn't have much to say to the man in red. BUT...it was a great learning moment for me; while I wanted my kids to experience the joy of meeting Santa...I think I may have pushed this one a little too much. Next time we'll opt for a non-peak time visit and a good prep before.

*Driving around and looking at Christmas lights. This was much less stressful. The kids were strapped in, we sang songs, and despite a few car-seat meltdowns we had a great time. So much so, in fact, that we went out to look at lights a lot...like maybe 5 or 6 times?

*Making a ginger bread train for FHE. This was another great learning moment for Mom; don't plan a candy/sugar infused activity and then freak out when all the toddler wants to do is cram the sweet stuff. In the end I just gave up and Eli and I wiped frosting on each other in a sort of 'battle to the death'. It was fun.

*Visiting Temple Square to see the lights. This actually turned out to be one of our best outings this year. We parked a long ways away from the center of town. It wasn't too freezing out and the walk was actually lovely. The kids behaved relatively well despite Eli's constant escape attempts (he does NOT care about where we are when we go out...its getting to be a real problem) and we enjoyed seeing all the sites and taking it all in. I was so thrilled that Macy's started up with the candy window displays again. This was a must-see when I was a kid. It was so fun to see them all again.

*Christmas Eve dinner with siblings and folks. This year we invited my parents and two single siblings over for dinner. It went surprisingly well...cooking a big meal with kiddies running around seemed like an impossible prospect but we all pitched in and things came together nicely. The best par of the night? A spontaneous poetry read-off after the kids went to sleep. We all picked our favorites and either recited them from memory or looked them up and read them. Mine was "Annabel Lee" by Poe and an excerpt from Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman. Dan read "The Jabberwocky" and recited a few from memory from his childhood.

*Christmas morning. This morning was crazy, but we decided to let the kids go at their own pace and things worked out nicely. This was our first ever Christmas with just our little family. I really liked it. Dan and I had so much fun setting up toys last night and were probably more excited than the kids this morning when we woke up. Eli loved his train set and RC car...Sammy seemed genuinely taken with his set of stacking cups and little piano. It was just lovely to sit and watch our kids enjoy playing with toys and interacting with each other. The rest of the day sort of digressed into a candy-gorge and nap-fight followed by a nice but non-relaxing dinner at my parent's house (see aforementioned candy-gorge and nap-fight).

All in all it was a good time. I learned a lot...and I'm ready to take on next year with my trove of lessons. I wish a very Merry Christmas to all my dear friends and family and hope you have a wonderful start to 2013. MWAH!

Children's Lifestyle

So yesterday was Eli's birthday. In preparation for his party I did a little work on the internets looking for a ideas for decorating and games. After about ten minutes of searching around my head started hurting. Not only had I not found anything useful at all but it seemed to me that the only ideas out there were published by crazy people. And by that I mean people (parents) (mothers) who insist on spending dozens of hours and hundreds of dollars planning and executing birthday parties for their poor children who really would have just been happy with Pin the Tail on the Donkey and a little crepe paper.

In the end I opted for the party decor section at Walmart, spent very little, and Eli had a fantastically fun party jamming with a few friends and making a ruckus. I didn't spend hours gluing pinwheels together or hand-dipping confectionary wonders for the party guests. I didn't hand-make anything really. I just decided it was Eli's party and the focus was supposed to be on him and having fun. So that's what we did.

This brings me to a bigger issues: the so-called "children's lifestyle" craze that's going around. You know what I mean; photo shoot after photo shoot of babies in wicker baskets. Birthday parties that are so precious I bet the poor birthday child didn't even get a say in what he or she wanted. Baby fashion that is absolutely over-the-top absurd (we'll talk about that one more in a sec) and a general ambience in the parenting community that every detail of our child's life has to be Etsy inspired, Pintrest worthy, and vintage approved.

Stop. It. Just stop. Because here's the big secret: the poor little kids who's mother's make them live like that are miserable. I guarantee it. As a (sort of) young mom I totally get it though. There is all this pressure to make everything perfect looking when it comes to our children and their lives. This is why places like Baby Gap exist; they sell a lifestyle, not clothes.

This is mainly why I don't use Pintrest. I went on there once and was flooded with Precious Children's Lifestyle ideas. I couldn't take it. Also, I've been trying to cut down on my internet time and this was the one to go. (Couldn't part with my Instagram, Reader and Facebook...) I read a few design blogs for home stuff, a few trusted sites for kids ideas, and I try to steer clear of the "this is vintage and precious and your kids and your house need if for reals" type of blogs. I don't want to get stuck thinking that if my house and my kids don't look exactly like every other house and kids out there that somehow I've failed.

Ok, now to bring it home...kid's fashion. Double and triple Stop. It. Seriously. If I have to see a link on Facebook one more time to some amazing new hip clothing designer for kids or see $50 pairs of baby shoes advertised any more I may lose it. Again...our kids don't CARE. Eli could care less if he is dressed hip and cool. Sammy cares not at all. So who does care then? The parents. And that's all good and fine until you find yourself spending ridiculous amounts on clothes that your kids will grow out of in a day and Don't Care About.

For my boys I make sure they are dressed clean, conservative, and cartoon character -free (don't love me the Walmart Cars shirts). Other than that if it fits, it goes on. There's nothing wrong with having a few cute outfits that your kids can wear for church and pics. I'm talking about the poor little guys whose moms won't let them out of the house without skinny jeans, moccasins, bomber jackets and all that jazz. I'll admit...Eli has a few pairs of skinnies and I love them. I also paid less than $5 a pair for them at D.I. I don't buy anything for him that cost more than I'm willing to invest in for 6 months tops.

In the end, I guess what this muddled rant is getting at is that we need to stop, as parents, and take a minute to remember what is most important for our kids. Instead of spending hundreds of dollars on clothes they don't care about, buy a season pass to a museum or indoor play area. Instead of creating the perfect party, perfect play-date, perfect perfect just let them have fun and make messes. In the end we'll all have much happier kids. And if you think about it...do you really want to raise kids who are obsessed with clothes?

A Few of my Thankful Things

Its 11:40 at night but I have to take minute before I drift off to add my list of thankful things to this years season of gratitude. Here it goes.

I am thankful for family...my little family for starters. Dan, Eli and Sammy are the best things that ever have come into my life. I am thankful for every day I have with my lil guys. Today Eli looked at me and said, "Mom...I pooped my pants". I am thankful for moments like that...because they mean I have something funny to think about later.

I am thankful for my extended family. Its been a bit of a rough year for my crew...I won't elaborate here but I've had to grow up a little more and face some harsh realities. I haven't liked it. But we're sticking it out together and I've grown closer to some family members and learned a lot about others. All in all my siblings and I are a close knit little (big) group that, despite our age differences and lifestyle choices are all pretty good friends.

I am thankful for my parents. With each passing day I am learning more and more about the sacrifices they must have made to keep us kids afloat. 7 kids!!?? Can you imagine? I have two and feel like my life is in chaos. I'm amazed either one of them still have any sanity left.

I am thankful for my country. This last election left me a little disillusioned as far as government goes...not because of the outcome of any particular race but because I HATE the backstabbing and mudslinging that comes out in these things. But then I read the news, and see the atrocities and injustices and horrors playing out around the world and it makes our country look so much better. I truly am grateful for this amazing nation.

I am thankful for health. Recently a friend lost her husband to cancer. They have two young children and the passing of this young father made me think about my own little family. I'm so grateful that, for now, we are healthy and hearty. Things can change so fast, but for now I have a plucky little group.

Lastly, I am thankful for my Savior and for my Father in Heaven. I heard a really cheesy quote one time that said "If God seems far away ask yourself 'who moved?'". I think about this one a lot. My faith and testimony are tried on occasion but I keep coming back the the fact that I have felt things I can't deny. I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who is so merciful and so patient and allows me to make so many mistakes and STILL offers peace and comfort. I am so unworthy of all the blessing heaped down on my shoulders.

Life is wonderful. I can't get over how beautiful everything is. I could go on and on with all the things I'm thankful for but now its midnight and I have to sleep. "Because I have been given much I too must give". Goodnight!