Holiday Traditions

Hey! I LOVE the holiday season. I think I love it in an almost unhealthy way. There may be some subconscious madness to the fact that we have had both our kids during the holidays: MORE FUN!! (K..not really...I kind of hate that my kids birthdays will forever me mired by bigger holidays.)

This year I feel a sort of crazed urgency to squeeze all the good times I can out of the next few months. I think its because Eli is really starting to get things and I can't help but feed his almost tangible excitement over things like pumpkin carving, hanging Halloween lights, talking about Christmas and Santa and planning his birthday party together. I should hold back and teach him a little decorum but decorum has never really been my wheel-house.

With all that said I'm trying to instigate some sort of Garfield family traditions. Its harder that I thought. I always assumed traditions just come organically, like they always felt growing up, but I realize now that may have been because I was getting the end of my parent's child-rearing career and they had things down by then. We do all the regular stuff but I'm having a hard time making things really unique for our family.

What are some good ideas for traditions you all have? What are some things that work and don't work when it comes to prepping kids for the holidays? Go!

Telephone Line Through Time

My mom is an amazing lady. I love her more than I could ever express. Sometimes though, because 43 years separates us, I forget that she was once a young mom like me raising a big family, dealing with all the same struggles and trials that come with it.

Today I was up in Bountiful for a visit with my folks. Yesterday was their 53rd wedding anniversary and they had brought out some old photo albums and journals to peruse. I was flipping through an old journal of my mom's and looked at the date. It was from February of 1983.

I'm the youngest of 7 children. There are almost 6 years that separate me from my closest sibling. I have always wondered about the reaction my mom had when she found out she was expecting another baby when I'm sure she thought she was done. I read the following exert from her journal in February:

"I guess I haven't mentioned something very important. I haven't talked about it here because honestly I don't know how I feel about it. Heavenly Father has decided to bless our family with another baby. I really did feel like our family was complete with six, but I think the Lord has other plans for us. I can't really get my head around the fact that we're having another baby."

As I read on about how my mother was enduring intense nausea with the pregnancy, and how she was coping with the emotions of being pregnant while mothering a range of children from ages 6-22, I couldn't help but tear up a bit. My emotional reaction was in no way related to my mom's trepidation about having another child. I understand now what that really meant for her. She was older, and I think her and my dad were looking forward to a little calmer life. Having another baby meant starting over, it meant dealing with a newborn, a two-year old, potty training and kindergarten, all things I think she thought she had left behind. 

The rest of the journal posts were upbeat and cheerful. I was 13 days over due and I think that was probably the hardest part of things for my mom, who is very organized and had a large family to take care of. 

It made me think a lot about my little family. What lies in store for us? What will be the big events of our lives that will someday be looked at by our children and grandchildren as monumental? What photos will they love and laugh at? What hair styles will they mock and then eventually revamp? Taking care of Eli and Sammy is exhausting but it hit me today more than ever before that we are creating a legacy. We are making stories and creating moments that will be shared and talked about for years to come. I hope we can make a good start for our little group. 

Looking back at my mother's reactions to finding out she was expecting another baby really made me feel a closeness to her I hadn't ever felt. She was just like me once; tirelessly working day in and day out to make sure her little group was well taken care of. She talked in her journal of late night and early morning feedings, of diapering issues, of colic and baby clothes and it just made me feel so close to her. Not just close to her now but close to her then. Legacy and history does that. 

Serviceable

Dan and I just watched this video. If you have a few minutes to watch I highly recommend it. I haven't been so inspired in a long time.

I keep thinking, "How can I make a difference in the world? How can I help other people out especially when I'm so so busy with my own little family?". It's women like this that really answer the question so profoundly...you just go out and do something! I want my boys to grow up knowing that there are other people in the world, people whom we can serve and help. My mom was so wonderful at teaching her kids that. I remember so many nights when dinner was late because she was out taking someone else a meal first. I want to make my home a place of service just like that.

Tonight Eli and I were talking before he went to bed. I cuddled him and told him how much I loved him. I felt, like I have so many times, a wave of love and happiness flow over me. I wanted to spend hours laying there in his bed with him giggling and talking. I realize that I am so blessed with all I have. I wish there were more opportunities for me to help others feel that same happiness.

Anyway...holy heavy-handed blog post Batman! I just feel so happy tonight, and watching this little video made me realize just how much good there is to do in the world.

Holiness

Today I was able to attend the Brigham City temple dedication. It was lovely and reminded me just how much I love the temple. This dedication came at a particularly nostalgic time for me as yesterday was the 8 year anniversary of when I went to the temple for the first time and received my endowments.  

September 22, 2004 was an amazing day for me. I would enter the Missionary Training Center in Provo in less than a month but for now I was entering a building I had loved for a long time. It was just my parents and myself, at my request, and I loved the sweet peace I felt being able to just take it all in.

For those of my friends who read my blog who aren't familiar with what Mormon temples are, here's a quick primer. In the church we have meeting houses where we attend weekly church devotionals and services. All are welcome to enter these buildings and we encourage visitors. In the temple only members of the church with recommends (obtained after a process of personal preparation) enter and perform what we refer to as 'temple work'. Members of the church 12 years and older are able to enter to participate a limited number of services, ordinances as they are called, and members a little older (there's no real set age) are able to obtain a full use recommend and participate in all the ordinances available.

The temple is, above all, a place of peace and meditation. It is a place to go to work, think, and take time out from life. It is a place of solace and revelation. It is one of my favorite places on earth.

Dan and I were married in the Bountiful Temple. Every time I enter the temple, especially that one, I feel an intense feeling of love and appreciation for the opportunity I had to be sealed eternally to my dear spouse.

Thinking back on my last 8 years of temple attendance I have only warm, fuzzy memories. I wish everyone could experience the peace I have found within those walls. Today I re-dedicated myself to attending more frequently, being always worthy to enter, and make my home a place that is akin to the spirit felt in the temple.

Milky Musings

First off, "stop talking about your boobs already!" and second off "we don't care anymore!".

Point taken. But you came here...and here I am. For whatever reason the last few weeks I've been feeling very sad (again) about my inability to nurse my son. I have no doubt in my mind that he is fine, formula is fine, bottles are fine, and everyone is great. But my little boy, my baby, is getting so big and independent that I just yearn for some sort of infant/mother connection. He used to like it when I rocked him while he took a bottle but now that he can hold his own he'd rather scoot around and grab a drink here and there and resume activities.

I know every mom goes through a sort of aching when her baby gets big. With Sammy though, there's something more to it. I'm not sure if its the drama of his birth, the subsequent depression and (partial) recovery, or just the fact that my 3 year old is less than cuddly and I really loved having this little bundle around who wanted nothing more than for Mommy to hold him and snuggle him. I know he's only 8 months old. I know he'll be a baby for a while still. But something about him lately is just screaming "I'm independent Mom! Look at me!"

He crawls at lightning speed and does everything he can to keep up with Big Brother. He loves to be cuddled, but only in small, short doses. I have been longing for a reason to get him to stay close to me, want to me near me, but without mommy milk he would rather take his lunch on the go.

I have an odd relationship with nursing. Yesterday I had a few friends over and we were talking (of course) about babies and what-not and they were swapping nursing stories. I added input only in the form of "and then I mixed a bottle and he went to bed" but I suddenly hurt a bit for this experience that I was missing out on.

On one hand, I think not being able to nurse has been a real blessing for me. Its given me a chance to let others help with my children in ways I wouldn't have been able to. It has given me mobility and a little more freedom. Sammy is an amazing sleeper and minus the current ear infection has had a pretty spotless bill of health in his little life.

On the other hand I wish so much that I could still share a closeness with my baby other mothers do. I always feel like I have to explain myself to moms when I pull out a bottle of formula. I know they most likely don't care but I want to make sure they know I'm not doing this voluntarily. It's silly really, I shouldn't care what other people think about me...but I do.

Oh well, sorry for the downer today. I'm just feeling a little sad about the progress of time I guess. I love my kids so much it makes me cry. Sammy is so big and strong and happy. Eli is so smart and funny. I just want them to stay little forever. Is that possible?

This American Wife

My kiddos are driving me crazy today so I thought I'd take a minute to give myself a break and do something just for me. Like...share all of my new crafties with you! I've been making lots of stuff lately....some of it out of bordom...some of it out of insanity...some of it out of "everything I do is taken apart by small hands so I need to work on something that will not get destroyed in a minute"...ness. 

Here are some pics. 

Hair pins! I know everyone does these...but my hair has been driving me crazy and I've been looking for something to use that's not just a plain old bobby pin.  

 Boat pillow. I love this one. It's for a birthday present for a friend so...I hope she doesn't check this post until Sunday!

Chrysanthemum wreath....I like the way this turned out. 

Now For Something Completely Different.

Do you have dreams? I know I do.

I write. A lot. I do a lot of creative writing, writing for money, editing, poetry, writing here on my blog, producing hilarious and unforgettable commentary on social media outlets, and so forth.

It's not a passion, but it is a hobby, and sometimes a livelihood. I do have a dream though. A deep-rooted and undying dream. I want to be published. I'm not talking internet published...I mean really actually legit have a book or a story or something I write in print.

SO

What am I going to do about it? Well...this for starters.

I want to go to that conference so very very much. I've been saving my pennies and working on stuff to take for a few months now. I have a creative fiction piece that I want to polish up and take with me.

Do you have dreams? Please do tell. We're adults, but we're allowed to talk about what we want to be when we grow up.